Snippet of the Revised Opening for Skielach

I’m currently working on the type-in for Skielach, the second book in the Echelon series, and I completely changed the opening, adding a lot of stuff so that I get to the point of the novel faster without the huge infodump I felt was happening in the original version.

But maybe I’m wrong and the rewritten opening sucks. What do you think of the first few paragraphs? Do they bring you in or bore you to tears? Leave a comment, let me know. Thanks!

Disclaimer: Please be aware this is still raw draft, just revised, and may be full of typos and other bits of nonsense. Also, I may change this or remove it entirely as I go through the editing process. Just so you know.

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Maia kept her eyes closed while the baby kicked. There wouldn’t be time later to focus on this. Soon, the crew and passengers on the Xingsen transport Kaylan had chosen for them would be shuffling around, getting ready to leave, and Kaylan would give her a glare that wasn’t a glare and she’d waddle around, gathering her things that she’d brought with her from Roz, finally able to leave this cramped space and constant Darushee food behind.
But for now, there was just her and the baby, engaged in a quiet conversation that she hoped was just her imagination. Hey, there.

Hi, mom.

Doing well?

Yes. I miss the big ship.

She didn’t want to admit it, but so did she, in spite of what she’d felt. We’ll go back soon. She tried not to think, If we can.

Her hips felt sore, but she forced herself to stay still. Movement meant she was awake, and if Kaylan was giving her a chance to get some more sleep (something she suspected he did when he could) then she wanted to take it while she had it. Who knew if she’d have the chance once they were in the city of Skielach, home of Eishan Idierd, the one who had tried to steal Roz from Kaylan.

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